Be Sick. Be Loved.

Day 37 of being told I have to say goodbye to my thyroid.

Day 8 of living without a thyroid.

Recovery has been an interesting process.  Over the past week I have sat and laid more then I thought was humanly possible. Codeine and I have been besties, as has my laptop, DVR, and any face that walks through my door and is open to sitting on the recovery couch with me.

I thought it was about that time to share some of my lessons learned from this ADD couch-rester: And yes this is a glimpse into my brain on narcotics.

• I don’t care what judgy mc judgersons are going to say, but getting a spray tan one day before a five hour surgery on my neck was one of my idea’s that I’m going to put into the brilliant file. Lately, I have been rocking what some people may call the hot ‘frail/pale’ look. And I cannot even tell you how many people told me how good I looked while I was all doped up and had a giant scar across my neck. Its hard to make a hospital gown look good, but don’t you worry- getting a spray tan may do just that.

• You can’t underestimate the deliciousness of a meal when you go without for a while. Of course the umbrella point of this bullet goes to our world hunger crisis, but, I had a moment in my hospital bed after not eating anything for 12 hours and then given a magical banana pudding where I honestly thought I landed in heaven for a quick snack. I don’t know if I’ve ever tasted anything more delicious then hospital café banana pudding. I would compare it to any top chef delicacy, and I don’t know if that magic can ever be repeated again. But for right now, that banana pudding has a soft spot in my heart.

• Thanksgiving does not have to involve turkey. Thanks to a great friend my Thanksgiving plate was covered with things appropriate for 1 year old to eat. Small bites and soft was my plan of action. And let me tell you, this food was legit.

• Use caution while shopping on codeine. Black Friday shopping has been a running tradition in my life. I started as a small child waiting in a line that wraps around target at 4am with excitement that could be compared to buddy the ELF getting ready for Christmas. Over the past few years we’ve converted to online amazon-ing in the early AM hours of black Friday and I was fairly confident this year would not look much different. Enter narcotics. I have looked over my purchases and honestly I can’t say I’m not excited about the 5 scarves that I purchased along with a laptop bag that has a map of Canada on it. Amongst other gifts of course.

• I still need my mom. As a 28 year old living in a different state then my family for the past 5 years, I feel like I have grown accustomed to doing quite a bit on my own. My family is of course on speed dial, but I don’t necessarily reach out to my mom to take care of me that often. This past week I needed my mom. She gracefully came in and dealt with her crabby, in pain daughter with a smile on her face. She slept on a bench in a hospital room and learned the difference between bravo millionaire matchmaker and fox news. I’m so grateful for the mom I’ve been given.

• When your sick, people want to love you. It’s a simple cause and effect, being sick gives reason to be loved. And I’ve felt that love. Through laughter, prayers, text messages, phone calls, balloons, cards, presence, food, food, and more food. It’s been humbling and beautiful. And it’s taught me a few things on the spiritual front. We all come broken, sick, in need of restoration and being well. And you don’t have to be well to be loved. You can be sick, you can be broken and you can know confidently that you will be loved.

That pretty much sums it up.

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Hashtag Superfoods

About three and ½ years ago I had this epiphany that I was not in control of the universe. Something greater, and very much out of my control was in charge and had a big plan for my life. A plan that I could never foresee or imagine.

And so, through pain & trauma, moments of joy & moments of sorrow , I’ve slowly begun to think through what it means when life doesn’t work out how I expect it to, or even want it to.  And I’ve come to the conclusion ‘Thank God’.

About 8 weeks ago I had some very mild symptoms that were popping up here and there with fatigue and my appetite so I scheduled an appointment with a nutritionist. She was great and reassured me that I wasn’t crazy, told me my diet of coffee and cliff bar’s needed to be altered a bit, and recommended a quick visit with my doctor since I hadn’t been in a amount of time that I feel embarrassed putting on the internet.

One appointment, two ultrasounds, and a giant needle biopsy in the neck later proved the fact that I had four growths on my thyroid and I was in the 5% that the reason those growths were there were because of cancer.

What the piss.

I’m a frickin healthy, in shape, twenty eight year old. And I have cancer.

It just so happened that I found this out as I was driving to Michigan to put on our families benefit. #faceslap.

Are you kidding me Jesus? We are about to put on a memorial benefit for my Dad and my family now has to also hold onto the news that Michaja has cancer.

I had already googled this foreign idea of thyroid cancer since I knew there was a slim chance that it could be in my body. So I received this news knowing it was extremely curable, caught early, and would be something I could attack quickly and live with. But still…cancer. COME ON!

The word slowly began spreading around my diagnosis and the onslaught of love from people I know and don’t even know quickly began.

Would I choose to have this surgery on Wednesday, wake up in a hospital on thanksgiving, be on medication the rest of my life. Absolutely not. But thank God I am not in control. Because I know that this story that I’m on is not about me. I’m trusting that what I’ve been given is much better then what I could ask for. And letting Jesus guide me to these new places, no matter how scary they are.

So, I’m currently living with Cancer, being utterly humbled by the people around me, and trusting that when I wake up on the 21^st, I will be cancer free.

It’s been quite the two months and a few hard and hilarious moments have happened.

–       Person #1- Do you Juice?

–       Person #2 – I head Garlic is the new superfood.

–       Person #3- Have you ever Juiced?

–       Person # 4- I’ve heard Juicing cures cancer?

–       Person #5- Superfoods

–       Person # 6- Have you juiced with superfoods?

–       Person # 7- I’m flying in from California to make sure you buy the frickin juicer everyone is talking about. #greatfriend

1^st night sweat- aka Kia becoming David at the Dentist. “What is happening? Is this real life? Why are my clothes all wet? Why is this happening? What is going on?”

Out on a wonderful date enjoying beers, great conversation, and dashing good looks, but felt a little funny so went to the bathroom really quickly, found out I had to spit up just a tiny bit of blood into the sink at the same time that someone just happened to be next to me washing her hands. #embarrassed. #yuck. #getthiscanceroutofme.

Falling asleep at the movies- everyone does that. Falling asleep at a Broadway show- not a big deal when you’ve worked all day. Falling asleep sitting outside on a chair at a bonfire while people are talking to you- problem.

Needless to say it’s been a whirlwind. I’m learning things left and right about trust, faith, and letting people take care of me.  But I also am learning that the story I’m living is bigger then me and even though it may not be what I’m expecting, good things will happen, glory will be revealed and I get to be part of that. And for that I’m thankful.

So here’s to beautiful scarves, discovering new TV shows and movies, and of course juicing.

 

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