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Archive for July, 2012

Sneak Peak Sunday

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Every Sunday I will attempt to share an excerpt from my work in progress which will hopefully be a book someday…”You Can Hope”. 

My heart goes out to the many families currently going through a similar scenario that is described in this post in Aurora, CO. ‘The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.’ Psalm 34:18

April, 2009

The death that your never expecting.

Yes, as a Christian we live in light of eternity. We live as though this world is not our home. We live expectant of the day we will meet our maker…but we also live in a way that is constantly taking care of our self and our family. Constantly involved in every aspect of your present living situation. When a man who is present in everything in his families life is now gone a lot of details have to be dealt with.

Me. I’m dealing with the details. The girl who doesn’t realize that a lit Christmas tree in replace of a chair is now in our front living room. A redone kitchen in my workplace after I was on vacation for a week seems the same to me. Forget about friends who have new hairstyles. I am taking a month off work and supporting the details.

Greg drove back to school to finish up his midterms. My friends are now beginning to take up residence in their own home vs. ours. My moms friends are starting to go back to work vs. take up the full time job that had been taking care of the Prendergasts family. For the next 5 days, its me and my Mom. 

 Do you know how much work goes into changing a name on a cell phone plan after the name on the plan is now deceased? How many places need a copy of the death certificate to prove that this man on the bill is supposedly dead. How many conversations you need to have about your now dead father. How many I’m sorrys  I have to hear from strangers.

And the money situation. Forget about it. Decision after decision. Finding passwords to get into so many online statements. My financial wiz of a father thought it was wise to have money in 6 different bank accounts. I agree with his wisdom, but now what do we do, how do we find it all? 

I am the brain that is now in charge of these details. I can’t do this.

I can’t handle my Mom asking me again about a password. I  haven’t lived at home for seven years, I don’t know any passwords! All I know is I want to sleep.

How can I be mad at my mom right now. The woman who lost her husband 10 days ago. Just the thought disgusts me. I am feeling anger towards the woman who lost her love. My parents had it together. They loved with intensity. With passion. She lost her love. And I’m angry at her. Please, make it stop. 

How do I fix this? I have control over nothing. The world I live in is chaos. Is this really real? Is my dad really dead?

Another bank meeting. Another stock holders gathering. Sell. Buy. Sell. I don’t know what to do. And I don’t care. I don’t care if this was up 50 points and this one has been down for awhile and this one was bought on March 26th. Wait. March 26th. My dad bought stock on the day he died? Are you kidding me. Of course we keep that stock. Why would you think to sell? My phones ringing again. Comcast never received the death certificate, ok, no prob, I’ll fax it to them again. Wait, whats the number? I have to call my dad he would know.

Pause.

Call my dad he would know.

Call my dad to find out the number of where to fax his death certificate.

What the hell am I going to do?

I need a coffee. So what if that’s the only thing that has gone in my body since the meatlove Ashley made 3 days ago. I need a coffee. I’m in Imlay City. The only decent coffee in this place is at my house- the house of emotion- or Mcdonalds. I’ll choose McDonalds. A break from the house of emotion is necessary. Drive through line is too long. Instant gratification here we go- I’ll head inside. Maybe some human interaction would be good when I don’t have to talk about my dad.

I should get my mom a coffee too.

“2 large coffee’s please” – hand the woman my debit card.

“Prendergast? Wait are you related to that teacher?”

“Yeah, that’s my dad”

“Oh sweetie I’m sorry, I heard about the accident. Your dad was a great man. He was my nephew and nieces math teacher.”

The tears are coming. I haven’t cried all day. Hold it in. I’m at McDonalds. This woman doesn’t know me. Just move on. Thank her. What a sweet lady. Maybe it is ok to shed a few tears, she seems like she gets it. Ok tears, you can come.

“Thank you, its been hard”

“ Oh yes, sweetie it is hard. I know what your going through. I lost my dog in a car accident.”

Did she really just say dog. What do I say. I mean I am sorry she lost her dog. Elmo knows all my pain right now. But wait…seriously did she just compare losing her dog to me losing the man who loved me more then anyone else ever will. I can’t even wait for these coffees, I need to go.

And uncut kia walked out the door. 

 

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10 years

A sad day recently came upon me.

I was faced with the ultimate reality that I am aging. My 10 year reunion will be taking place at the end of this summer and I just finished writing my bio for that said event. I know a lot of people will say, ‘28 that’s nothing!’. But for me, knowing that I graduated high school 10 years ago is a big deal!

I remember vividly the Full House episode when Uncle Jesse was going to his high school reunion…and went into a tale spin of questioning everything in his life, but ultimately coming back to the fact that he is in a good place living in his brother-in-laws attic with his wife and soon to be twins. Well, I’m pulling an Uncle Jesse.

No, I don’t live in a crazy house of family shenanigans. But I have been doing a lot of looking back on what has happened in the past 10 years and wondering where it is I’m going.

I see the first 18 years as lots of growth and change, as childhood to young adulthood should look. But, honestly minimal transitions besides age. I didn’t live within a family environment where change happened regularly. I had 1 move when I was 7 years old and grew up in a fairly stable home where things went as generally expected.

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I would not use the same language with the past 10 years. There have been moves, job changes, loss, relationships, heart breaks, mistakes, and successes. I think many would agree the time of 18-28 looks like that for most. We’ve begun this process of growing up…and it hurts!

And I guess the biggest thing I can take from the last 10 years for me, is to be present where I’m at. Trusting that the place that I’m in is where I’m supposed to be.

Its so easy to get sidetracked. I’m not one that spends much time focusing on the past- but I do focus to much on the future. I analyze the goals and dreams I have and begin working towards them. Sometimes forgetting about the present since I’m so focused on what I want to accomplish.  Working on just getting through whatever I’m presently in—-so I can be where I want to eventually be.

And the paradox that I many times hate, is I cant get to the good stuff, I cant get to the moments of pure joy…unless I’m leaving the misery and sorrow. I can’t feel true wholeness and healing, until I’ve been broken.

So, the last 10 years I have felt both pain and great joy. And recently, I have been reflecting on what life has or could have looked like. But, my statement to share is that I’m attempting to live in the present of acknowledging that 10 years since high school have gone by. And I’m going to live feeling confident that I’m in the place that I’ve been called to. Knowing that I’m an imperfect mess in need of grace and ready to engage where I’m at, right now, at this moment. Yikes, here we go.

My Bio that began this Uncle Jesse Soul Search

10 years. So nuts. Well I have been living in downtown Chicago for the last 5 years…and will probably be out here for awhile. As you can imagine the men are flocking around me, and I’m just batting them away (Read: I’m single). I do have many kids that are a part of my life….none of them with my DNA. Prendergast Pediatrics started in January where I am contracting through a few different places…attempting to put my Occupational Therapy degree into good use through play therapy. Other than finding ways to enable my workaholic symptoms, like writing or working on my families non-profit, I spend my time attempting to bring pure Michigan goodness into the streets of Chicago often. Usually this means I’m drinking an Oberon or having Country Smoke House jerky sent to me on a regular basis… 

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